Hugs.

[Finless]

On a similar note to hugs, I donated blood yesterday and the guy looking after me touched my arm to guide me from the booth to the donation chair, not in a weird way for normal times, but not having had anyone come within 6 feet of me for nearly a year, it felt very unusual.

I wonder if the current situation might result in an eventual mutation to the human form whereby everybody will end up with 6 foot long arms so that touching is possible but the breathing bits stay 6 foot away? We'd probably also need longer legs to keep hands from scraping on the floor? I can foresee circulation problems.

[Divemouse]

I can forsee everyone carrying a 6ft pole.

[cazyoung]

I can forsee everyone carrying a 6ft pole.

With a very sharp pointy bit to properly keep people 6ft away.

[Tim Digger]

I wonder if the current situation might result in an eventual mutation to the human form whereby everybody will end up with 6 foot long arms so that touching is possible but the breathing bits stay 6 foot away? We'd probably also need longer legs to keep hands from scraping on the floor? I can foresee circulation problems.

Mr Tickle!

[Neilwood]

This has been going on for years it is a constant battle with her. She has always been very very self centred and selfish. It was a battle to accept carers in the first place the current issue is there was a crisis which ended up with OH and his sister having to be there overnight to help over 5 days until live in care could be sourced. The live in carers work blocks of 14 days and she has decided she does not want someone there all the time. They already had carers 3 times a day plus a lot of help from other villagers prior to this latest crisis. OH is going there later to have yet another frank and tough talk with her. The care company has already flagged up that they are on the borderline to continue home care and that he ought to be in a nursing home. The house is totally inappropriate for a wheelchair user but they have utterly refused (first raised 15+ years ago when mobility started to decline) to consider moving to accommodation that was suitable for their needs. Current house has steps all over the ground floor fortunately their bedroom and en-suite are the on ground floor but bedroom is tiny. They are going to have to raise funds against the house which is in an affluent village and has a huge garden so a decent chunk of real estate. This is also being vigorously fought against as she feels her children should pay for them to live in the manner they chose. This comes from a woman who refused to care for her mother, installed live in carers at the first opportunity and had her mother sign over her home to her daughter to pay for said care.

Unfortunately it sounds like she is beyond talking to. The situation definitely sounds like it is completely unsustainable but trying to get that over to her seems like an impossible task.

I sympathise with you but unfortunately I don't have any solutions for you.

[Finless]

I shall endeavour, in future, to think of everybody (potential hugees) as moist Huggies and it shall be easy to hug no more.

Say, isn't that the title of a song?

[Finless]

It's just come to me. "Boogie no more"! That's the title I almost remembered.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTxuc6G0VMY

[F.P.]

Me to unless it is my OH - those hugs are OK and at the moment very important as support to OH. Very serious issues with the very selfish me me me parents in law. Strong words had on phone today and stronger words face to face tomorrow. Announcing live in care is not needed for immobile wheelchair bound F in Law because M in law does not want to pay for it but cannot cope is causing huge problems. She feels daughter ( self employed and struggling for money) should just rock up on demand. She lives 40 miles away, also feels OH should also rock up on demand 80 miles away. This is someone who refuses to shop anywhere but M&S or Waitrose and spends £80 + per week on food for 2 which a local nice person does for them. We despair!!
Sorry venting over but 10+ phone calls per day are very very wearing.
She also turned down the arranged disabled taxi to and from her husband's Covid jab appointment but is on the phone daily to the local surgery demanding a home visit for the jab as it is his right.
You might think she was dementing but no just very self centred/ narcissistic.

I feel for you. Had a similar problem for most of my adult life. The expectation from the family (led by my father) was that I was expected to put my life on the side as the elders of the family 'needs' must be put first; broke up the first long term relationship I had with girl friend as she could no longer put up with phone call to her parents from my family expecting to do things for them or checking up where I/we where. Saturday diving trips were a no-no; but easier to go away for the weekend except Fridays were really busy doing the Saturday 'jobs'.
In later years my remaining parent became very demanding expecting me to do shopping, cleaning, gardening etc; times I was told to ask work to be moved closer as 'you will be useful to me' - never understood that 'driving' a computer was now my job as an engineer and I just couldn't leave work tasks at a moments notice.
I well understand the 'phone call problem - the times I'd be in meetings to be rang at 5 minute intervals 'cause I wasn't where parent expected me to be - with them! One day I had 24 calls in a period of 20 minutes when I was in a meeting following which I was taking parent out for the rest of the day on a site visit.

You need to get OH + SiL to put their heads together with their Doctor and Social Services to sort the issue - yes it will be difficult and probably expensive (to them) but otherwise you will end up being slaves to them and never have a moments peace. Unfortunately some elders see it as their 'right' for the offspring to be at their bec and call.
Eventually the decision for me was taken out of my hands by a hospital talking to Social Services.

[cazyoung]

I feel for you. Had a similar problem for most of my adult life. The expectation from the family (led by my father) was that I was expected to put my life on the side as the elders of the family 'needs' must be put first; broke up the first long term relationship I had with girl friend as she could no longer put up with phone call to her parents from my family expecting to do things for them or checking up where I/we where. Saturday diving trips were a no-no; but easier to go away for the weekend except Fridays were really busy doing the Saturday 'jobs'.
In later years my remaining parent became very demanding expecting me to do shopping, cleaning, gardening etc; times I was told to ask work to be moved closer as 'you will be useful to me' - never understood that 'driving' a computer was now my job as an engineer and I just couldn't leave work tasks at a moments notice.
I well understand the 'phone call problem - the times I'd be in meetings to be rang at 5 minute intervals 'cause I wasn't where parent expected me to be - with them! One day I had 24 calls in a period of 20 minutes when I was in a meeting following which I was taking parent out for the rest of the day on a site visit.

You need to get OH + SiL to put their heads together with their Doctor and Social Services to sort the issue - yes it will be difficult and probably expensive (to them) but otherwise you will end up being slaves to them and never have a moments peace. Unfortunately some elders see it as their 'right' for the offspring to be at their bec and call.
Eventually the decision for me was taken out of my hands by a hospital talking to Social Services.

You have every sympathy from me.

The happiest least stressful times of our lives where when we were living abroad. When we go on holiday abroad our mobile phones "cannot get a signal" It will not be until she dies that we will get any peace, he is incapable of making a phone call even if he could get at a phone it is M in L who is the right royal pain in the arse.

Well there was an about turn at 6AM this morning after F in L was faecally incontinent in their bed. It was at that moment she realised they need a live in carer as it took two people to deal with him and the bed. If she had been alone with him she would have had to wait until the morning carer arrived at about 8.30 to help the clean up.

To make things even better a retired GP rocked up and gave him his Covid jab as well. Things are all calm until the next crisis which will be when the care company says he needs nursing care at which point she will melt down again. It has been suggested she starts looking at nursing homes sooner rather than in panic mode when the crunch comes. It will do we just do not know when.

[Tim Digger]

It's just come to me. "Boogie no more"! That's the title I almost remembered.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTxuc6G0VMY

Huggies No More is more environmentally sound. (40 years ago we used both).