Joke of the day

[1st Ade]

Lifted shamelessly from yesterdays Times:


Mother Superior calls everyone together and announces: "We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent".

An elderly nun at the back pipes up: "Thank goodness for that! I'm fed up to the back teeth with all this Chardonnay."

[1st Ade]

Someone’s replaced my passport photo with a picture of a seasonal fruit and marzipan cake... I think my identity’s been stollen…

[Spirit of Guernsey]

[Neilwood]

On the lack of Knob gags (as mentioned in a separate thread) -

What happened to the cockeyed circumiser???









He got the sack!

[jamesp]

Philip Schofield.

Started his career in the cupboard, came out of the closet, and now finds his career in the toilet.

I think we had a welsh politician do that in reverse.

[steelemonkey]

"Every time a couple get married, two single people die."

[Jay_Benson]

"Every time a couple get married, two single people die."

Immediately after I clicked like for this post I started to wonder what that action says about me….

[Allan Carr]

Saw this as a question on another website

'Could a relatively novice scuba diver desend deep enough to see the hull of the Andrea Doria on a good vis day and then assend with no big deal, after making stops?'

Candidate for a Darwin Award!

[Paulo]

Saw this as a question on another website

'Could a relatively novice scuba diver desend deep enough to see the hull of the Andrea Doria on a good vis day and then assend with no big deal, after making stops?'

Candidate for a Darwin Award!

50ish meters to the deck. We all know plenty of divers that have done worse on a single tank of air. Advisable? No! Possible ... maybe

[Allan Carr]

58M now to the deck because the hull is collapsing.

[Allan Carr]

50ish meters to the deck. We all know plenty of divers that have done worse on a single tank of air. Advisable? No! Possible ... maybe

58M now to the deck because the hull is collapsing. Have to admit that in the past, I've done the Markgraf on a single 75cuft (approx 9l) cylinder but then I don't breath much.Here in Antigus when the end of the dive has been called because other divers are down to 50 bar, I end up surfacing with 130. Still don't fancy doing th eAndrea Dorianom a single though!

[1st Ade]

Meanwhile - back to the thread title - Jokes



Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the big bad wolf hiding behind a log.

"Oh what big eyes you have", she says.

The wolf runs off.

Later she sees him hiding behind a tree.

"Oh what big ears you have", she says.

Again the wolf runs off.

Later she sees him hiding behind a road sign.

"Oh what big teeth, you have".

The big bad wolf jumps out and says:

"Will you f*** off. I'm trying to have a shit!"

[Gareth Jones]

I went to the doctor last week, he told me that I should stop masturbating. Why I asked, what harm does it do, I enjoy it. The doc replied because I'm trying to examine you!

[Noggin the Nog]

Get to know paranoid people better by following them around .......

[Jay_Benson]

Did you hear about the recently demised dyslexic rock star? Drowned on his own Vimto