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Thread: Joke of the day

  1. #2291
    Confused? You will be. Jay_Benson's Avatar
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    A pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

    A lady stood and walked to the podium.

    She said, 'I have praise. Two months ago, my husband, Jim, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him.'

    You could hear an audible gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Jim experienced.

    She continued, 'Jim was unable to hold me or the children and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation. They were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Jim's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place.'

    Again, the men in the congregation squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Jim. She continued, 'Now, Jim is out of the hospital and the doctors say, with time, his scrotum should recover completely.' All the men sighed with relief.

    The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had anything to say.

    A man rose and walked to the podium. He said, 'I'm Jim and I want to tell my wife, the word is sternum.'
    For information to help you plan your dive trip in the UK and Eire try www.planyourdivetrip.co.uk

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  2. #2292
    Prior Member Tim Digger's Avatar
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    Yeh! I particularly like that one. Words matter especially when they describe medical matters. I know I harp on about this but a life spent trying to communicate things that matter medically to people who use the wrong words leaves one a bit hypersensitive.
    Evolution is great at solving problems. It's the methods that concern me.
    Tim Digger

  3. #2293
    Established TDF Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jay_Benson View Post
    I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks likeMission Control and asked him to come over. Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
    As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong? He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
    I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
    Eric grinned.... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?'
    'No,' I replied.'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'

    So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T
    Are you sure it wasn't a PICNIC error or a PEBCAK?

    Problem In Chair Not In Compuiter

    Problem Exists Between Chair and Computer

  4. #2294
    Supergnu Jen - Winged Blob's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tim Digger View Post
    Yeh! I particularly like that one. Words matter especially when they describe medical matters. I know I harp on about this but a life spent trying to communicate things that matter medically to people who use the wrong words leaves one a bit hypersensitive.
    I remember being at a complete loss when trying to complete a crossword over the phone with a friend. "Frozen desert" was the clue - all my suggestions got rejected on the grounds of wrong number of letters or letters not fitting in places. In the end the answer turned out to be "sorbet". Yeah.

  5. #2295
    Supergnu Jen - Winged Blob's Avatar
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    Though that was surpassed by a Scuba magazine crossword, this time shared over the phone with a dive buddy as our separate cars were en route to Oban in October. We eventually realised he was working from the July issue.

  6. #2296
    Confused? You will be. Jay_Benson's Avatar
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    A man goes to the doctors feeling a little ill. The doctor checks him over and says, 'Sorry, I have some bad news, you have Yellow 24, a really nasty virus.

    It's called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow and you usually only have 24 hours to live. There's no known cure so just go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth.'

    So he trudges home to his wife and breaks the news. Distraught, she asks him to go to the bingo with her that
    evening as he's never been there with her before.

    They arrive at the bingo and with his first card he gets four corners and wins 35.

    Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins 320.

    Then he gets the full house and wins 1000.

    Then the National Game comes up and he wins that too getting 380,000.

    The bingo caller gets him up on stage and says, 'Son, I've been here 20 years and I've never
    seen anyone win four corners, a line, the fullhouse and the national game on the same card.

    You must be the luckiest man on Earth!' Well Done.

    'Lucky?' he screamed. .......'Lucky?!

    How can I be lucky, I've got Yellow 24!

    I don't believe it,' says the bingo caller.


    'You've won the raffle as well !!
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  7. #2297
    Prior Member Tim Digger's Avatar
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    Words mean what you think they mean!
    Evolution is great at solving problems. It's the methods that concern me.
    Tim Digger

  8. #2298
    Hail the Children of LLyr
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tim Digger View Post
    Words mean what you think they mean!
    "What are words worth?..."
    "...are we human, or are we diver?"

  9. #2299
    Self Defecating The Real Paulus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tim Digger View Post
    Yeh! I particularly like that one. Words matter especially when they describe medical matters. I know I harp on about this but a life spent trying to communicate things that matter medically to people who use the wrong words leaves one a bit hypersensitive.
    The mother in law is a real life Nellie Pickersgill, any word of more than 6 letters gets ruined.
    While describing a wave of police raiding a wedding reception the in-law's were at she said it was like one of them satsumas coming towards us.
    It took us a while to work it out.... Something to do with Robert Peel, obvioulsy

  10. #2300
    Prior Member Tim Digger's Avatar
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    I cat I like for Divemouse.

    Evolution is great at solving problems. It's the methods that concern me.
    Tim Digger


 

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