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Thread: Joke of the day

  1. #2441
    TDF Member Robbie Moubert's Avatar
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    One of my greatest wishes is to see the end of plagiarism. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one...

  2. #2442
    Established WTF Member Spirit of Guernsey's Avatar
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    How did Sherlock Holmes start a letter to his persistent admirer?

    "Dear stalker..."
    There are four varieties in society: the lovers, the ambitious, observers and fools. The fools are the happiest.
    Hippolyte Taine – French critic and historian (1828-93)

  3. #2443
    Established WTF Member Spirit of Guernsey's Avatar
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    I went to the doctor with a really bad case of the wind. Doc told me to undress and lay on the bed, he went out and came back holding a long pole with a hook on the end.

    I said ‘I hope you’re not going to put that up by backside’.

    He said ‘No! I’m going to open the window, it stinks in here’.
    There are four varieties in society: the lovers, the ambitious, observers and fools. The fools are the happiest.
    Hippolyte Taine – French critic and historian (1828-93)

  4. #2444
    Confused? You will be. Jay_Benson's Avatar
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    A man walks into a bar with a crocodile. The landlord says "you can't bring that thing in here - it's dangerous". "No it's not and I'll prove it" says the man .
    So he unzips his trousers, puts his privates in the crocs' mouth and slaps it on the head - see safe as anything - does anyone else want a go?

    Little old lady in the corner says "I'll have a go but don't hit me so hard"
    For information to help you plan your dive trip in the UK and Eire try www.planyourdivetrip.co.uk

    Public transport planning info at www.traveline.info

  5. #2445
    Established WTF Member Spirit of Guernsey's Avatar
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    What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married?

    Feyoncé.
    There are four varieties in society: the lovers, the ambitious, observers and fools. The fools are the happiest.
    Hippolyte Taine – French critic and historian (1828-93)

  6. #2446
    Established WTF Member Spirit of Guernsey's Avatar
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    I've just played a football match on a surface of crushed concrete and broken bricks.

    We won 4-3 on aggregate.
    There are four varieties in society: the lovers, the ambitious, observers and fools. The fools are the happiest.
    Hippolyte Taine – French critic and historian (1828-93)

  7. #2447
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    My other half was a bit upset when she found out my nickname at school was “The Love Machine”. I don't know why, I was just really bad at tennis.

  8. #2448
    Established TDF Member
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    Some B****D wrote Retard on my windscreen.
    Took me hours to lick it off.

    alby

  9. #2449
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    i was singing Daydream believer and the wife got into a right temper.
    i thought she was joking.
    Then i saw her face

  10. #2450
    Established TDF Member steelemonkey's Avatar
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    I could not stop singing "The green, green grass of home." The doctor said I had Tom Jones syndrome.
    I asked if it was common.
    He said "It's not unusual."
    Paul.
    If God had meant us to breathe underwater, he would have given us larger bank balances.
    Human beings were invented by water as a means of moving itself from one place to another.


 

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